My Talk With My Daughter Yesterday
Yesterday was the day that my 15-year-old daughter and I had a very emotional talk about my journey with cancer. We shared, we cried, we hugged and we both got a deeper understanding of each other’s feelings and where everything is at, as we know it. I let Sivanna ask any questions about anything at all that she had. We both shared how we felt in March, along the way and now. It was an open, transparent conversation that unfolded perfectly and it prompted me to write this blog post that I have been meaning to write for quite some time.
It may in fact be the most important post, for me, that I will ever write as part of my writing legacy and on my journey with cancer.
What Is This Important Thing That I Speak of?
From day one on my journey which started with a trip to the emergency department on March 6 of 2021, I have felt this….
After I learned of my diagnosis of Stage 4 Uncurable Cancer, and after I processed it all, what I realized that I both needed and wanted most, was this:
Throughout it all, I want and have wanted from Day 1, is for my Husband to continue to be my Husband and for my Daughter to be my Daughter, and what I mean by this is that I needed them and still do, to be who they are in their roles in life. I want them both to be happy and doing what they love, working and attending school, engaging in life and doing the things that 15-year-olds and Dads enJOY doing!
There is no way I could handle everything being revolved around me and my cancer. And yesterday, Sivanna and I talked about this. I explained that this whole experience is new to me and I was learning and processing as I went along. What helped me most was that they are my rocks and they keep my spirit high when they are living THEIR lives to the fullest.
In retrospect, I am soooooo very glad that we did not sit down as a family in March and say something like “Okay family meeting. Mom’s got Stage 4 Incurable Cancer and then we would all be devasted and the world would start to revolve around me and my disease. I so did not want that so the way it rolled was perfect.
As my favorite Doctor says “This experiment has never been done before”. This means we don’t know how this will unfold for me given MY body and what I am doing etc. So we have all processed and dealt with this as we have gone along and I feel it has been the best way to handle it, for us anyways. It has allowed life to go on because it does! Life goes on no matter what is happening and I want my peeps to be in JOY! I know we all have to let our feelings express themselves but we don’t need to become obsessed with the disease. The disease takes away enough on its own.
I explained to Sivanna that I NEVER want her to have any regrets, now or in the future. For example, I said maybe we talk about spending time together and you tell me that you are chilling and watching TikTok videos. I say “Great!” That is what my daughter is enJOYing… just being her 15-year old self!
I have no NEED for having to spend time together for the sake of just thinking we should. I also shared that if she is doing something that she enJOYs and if a thought strikes her like “OMG my Mom has cancer!”and thinking she should be sad, to stop and say “No it’s okay for me to be happy right now”. Now my friends this is what I want the most for my daughter and all of those who love me.
One of The Hardest Things About Cancer
One of the hardest parts about cancer is telling those you love. It took me a long time to spill the beans to everyone and for some, it was through a blog post. I can tell you that I can still see the look in the eyes of everyone that I told in person and those are the hardest conversations I ever had in my entire life! It had to be done in stages because it is just too painful to see the pain in others and to hear it in their voices. This disease affects everyone in your circle, it is not a stand-alone thing.
So to all of you reading this today or in the future, no matter what turn life throws you, make a choice. Choose not to let it become your life. Try not to let it consume the life and happiness of everyone around you. It really is much easier this way, I promise.
And as always and in all ways, I love you all!
And if you would like to learn about my last wish and legacy you can do so here:
MaggieHolbik.com 