Acceptance, cancer, hope, My Cancer Journey, strength

What I Want At This Time In My Life

Peace

My Journey With A Stage IV Cancer Diagnosis

After 9 months of living with a diagnosis of apparent Uncurable Cancer according to medical diagnostics and opinion, I have come to a few conclusions on what works for me.

What I really want and need each day is PEACE…. peace of mind, peaceful rest, and peace within my heart.

I don’t feel like I need to be known as ‘Brave’ or as a ‘Fighter’, although I acknowledge that I am indeed both of those things.

What is important to me is for me to be at ✌ PEACE.

How Do I achieve this?

So how do I achieve this? I do it first and foremost by accepting what is.

I have this diagnosis. Yes I do. I cannot resist what is because when I do that I am in resistance and in the frequency of fear, which are two places that I don’t want to be.

So I accept what is, I expect the best, I appreciate everything and I have gratitude for whatever I can latch onto. This my friends gives me the peace I seek.

When I lay my head to rest at night I no longer worry about the troubles of the earthly world anymore. They no longer seem as important to me. I recognize that I am a spiritual and infinite being.

It is interesting because I also no longer care about things that I thought I would care about. For example, when I die cremation or burial? I don’t care. What color or type of casket? I don’t care. And on and on my list goes….

What I do care about is as you know, is having PEACE and JOY.

Did I laugh today? Wow, that orange was so delicious. Look at the kindness shown to me today. I had energy to write a blog post today. Yay! I sat in someone’s presence and we just loved each other with no judgment or hidden agenda. People sang to me. I have an appetite even if for a moment. Bella is purring and lying on top of me as I see Sparkle dust all the way up to the ceiling (true story). I am so loved. I love so much.

Sweet juicy luscious oranges…. a gift from the Gods.

There have been so many gifts that I have received on this journey and I am so grateful for them.

What About You My Friends?

It is my wish that others who choose to do so, benefit in some way from these insights. We put so much energy into our earthly journeys and roles, but what is truly important for YOU?

Can you seek peace now? Are some things really worth the so called fight? Where does your JOY come from?

Go within. This is where you will find your answers and I promise you they never appear from fear and strife but they always show themselves when peace is present.

I love you all!

cancer, Life's Musings, My Cancer Journey, Yes to Life

If I Could Live My Life Over Again There is One Thing I Would Do More Of And It Seems to Surprise People

In Hindsight

It is interesting what becomes clear to one when contemplating life and in looking back especially after being diagnosed with a serious illness.

No regrets…. But….

I have no regrets in life but I have become clear as to what is important to me and I have also realized what I have really enJOYed doing in my life. It seems to really surprise people when I tell them that I wish I did more of this!

I Would Do More….

Cooking!

I would cook with fresh and interesting ingredients. I would try more recipes! I guess this surprises people because I have cooked a lot in my life and I still cook when I can.

Cooking With Fresh Ingredients

Here Is The Difference

I always saw cooking as taking time away from what I could be doing. And that ‘could be doing’ was usually related to ‘work’ or to ‘working’.

Being a serial entrepreneur I seemed to always be racing to some imaginary finish line and I was and am very zealous and dedicated to my work and in helping other people. I love to help people and have found many different hats to wear to do that. But with that said it kept me busy so although I indeed do and have done a lot of cooking up until now, I would have done more of it!

This just tells me that in retrospect, it was and is really important to me! Food is one of the greatest earthly pleasures! I would not only have tried more recipes and used fresh ingredients but I would have also had more fun with it by allowing myself to do it more and with JOY! I would have been more passionate about it!

Unfortunately today I don’t have the same appetite or energy depending on the day, and all of this affects the enJOYment of food or in the making of food. I have been enJOYing food gifted to me by friends and family which has been lovely too.

My Main Message For Everyone Today!

What do you love to do? What do you put off doing or make excuses about doing because you don’t think you have the time or that you think you might be wasting time by doing it? Or that it’s not a priority. Maybe it is a priority? Maybe you really enJOY doing it? What is that? What is that thing? You know it. 🙂

I invite you to get clear and seize the day and start doing the very thing that you have just received answers and direction on. You know what they are, even if it is just one thing.

I love you all. Have a great day!

cancer, grace, My Cancer Journey, My Life

I Share A Very Intimate & Sacred Moment On My Journey With Stage 4 Cancer

The Preamble

My spouse Don and I are very committed to our date nights, which usually happen on a Friday night. We will do something like go out to dinner or spend time at our little lake house having dinner and spending the evening together while we enJOY our little fireplace and listen to music.

We look forward to these date nights immensely and we believe that they are so important for a relationship. And because we are both entrepreneurs and business-minded people, these become our business meetings too. We catch up on how things are going, what has been accomplished and what needs to be done. And trust me, we love talking about this kind of stuff. It brings us JOY!

A Week Ago Friday

So a week ago Friday, I was feeling great and pain-free and it was date night. I was so happy for one more date night! We were enJOYing our night when out of nowhere I started to get into pain and this pain escalated from 0 to 100 in an hour. It was really, really bad and it was really, really, sad.

The Sacred Moment in The Still of the Night

This brings me to the sacred and intimate moment. Don tried to help me get into bed and into a comfortable position. I sat on the edge of the bed and hung onto him. I wrapped my arms around his body and laid my cheek against his stomach and chest. He tried to put me down but I would cry out in pain something like “You have to get me up, I can’t breathe”. The pain was unbearable and would take my breath away. This went on for a while until we were indeed able to get me into bed. This was very hard for both of us and I cannot describe the feeling with words but…..

Speed Ahead to the Following Friday

Last night was once again date night and although I was in pain, it was not too bad. We had a lovely night together. The topic of last Friday night came up and how hard that was for us. Don shared about how he struggled with it and the pain that it brought him.

And Then I Shared This:

I told him that I wanted him to know that when I am gone or whenever he thinks of that night, he needs to know that for me it was one of the most beautiful, loving, supportive, and intimate moments of my life and that I will forever cherish it. It has become a beautiful moment for me. The whole vulnerability for both of us and the sacred connection of two lovers coming together in a time like this is indescribable.

We then talked about how we can indeed shift things to see them from a better place that makes us ‘feel better’ and this is what we had now done with this experience. We can choose what we take from it. This is all a part of accepting ‘what is’ and moving through it with Grace.

I hope that you too learn to shift painful moments in your life and turn them into Grace.

I love you all!

cancer, My Cancer Journey, Vulnerabitlity

Being Vulnerable

 “I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness, and the willingness to remain vulnerable.”
Anne Morrow Lindbergh, ‘Gift From The Sea.’

Vulnerability

Vulnerability is a new experience for me and I will be writing about it more. It is interesting how life’s palette holds many teachings as we journey through the years.

I do not yet have words to describe how I feel and how to share my vulnerability at this time but stay tuned, I am hoping to share soon.

I love you all…..

affirmations, cancer, My Cancer Journey

3 Affirmations For Those On A Journey With Cancer

I can find peace in my journey.
I am learning to love ‘What Is”.

My body may have dis-ease, but my soul is free and JOYous.

Affirmations are powerful tools and can be useful to strengthen our spirits and express our desires. Use them often and watch the magic happen. 🙂

cancer, My Cancer Journey

I Refuse To Play Cancer Roulette

I refuse to play what I have coined ‘Cancer Roulette’.

What do I mean by this? I mean that I will not live my life in days of terror or angst always wondering things like should I have done this, or that, tried this, tried that, or things like what if I would have added in that protocol or tried this or went here or to that clinic and on and on it goes.

The Back Story

In March of this year 2021, I was diagnosed with Stage IV Colon Cancer. Stage IV because I had a cancerous mass in my colon and cancer had already spread to other parts of my body, thus Stage IV Incurable as they call it. I had surgery to remove the mass in April because it was blocking my colon and life-threatening.  The surgery went very well and I was glad to get it out.

I decided against chemo or radiation as therapies as I was told my cancer was incurable, the chemo would eventually stop working, and may only help me to extend my life a short amount of time, and that there was a long list of side effects, including serious infection.

My Choices

In fact, my choices were palliative/supportive care alone or supportive care plus palliative chemotherapy.  “The intent of palliative chemotherapy is to slow the progression of my cancer, help improve symptoms and quality of life overall, and prolong survival.

The chemo would be continued until disease progression or intolerable toxicity…. Oh Joy!

Side Effects As Per My Oncologist:

“I discussed with the patient the potential toxicities of the treatment including nausea, vomiting, fatigue, alopecia, myelosuppression, febrile neutropenia, oral mucositis, diarrhea, skin changes, rare chest pain, rare neurologic toxicity, bleeding, perforation, proteinuria, rash, and hypomagnesemia.” – more Oh Joy 😦

Me

After weighing in on both the intent of palliative chemo as above and the expected result of “improving symptoms and quality of life overall, and prolonged survival”, there was no question for me that I would prefer to attempt the same result using therapies and protocols that actually enhance and support my body rather than tearing it down. And I have done this. I have had a great quality of life since March until now and will continue to support my body and soul on this journey.

Where I Have Come To

Since March I have researched deep into the world of cancer and have met many amazing souls also traveling on this journey that no one would pick for themselves. Throughout it all, I have seen many as I call them ‘plot twists’, meaning what works for one may not work for another. There are millions of people all throwing what they can against this disease and trying to figure out what works, what doesn’t, this kind of cancer, that kind, etc. etc. It is a rabbit hole that never ends, let’s just put it that way. 🙂

As for me, I want to live my days in as much JOY as I can. I will no longer play this game of ‘what if’… what if I had done this or what if I had tried that. I do the best I can each and every day and the most important thing for ME is to be comfortable and to be at peace with everything that is happening. I have gotten comfortable with ‘What Is’. Are some days much harder than others? Absolutely, but I plug away one day at a time, enJOYing all the LOVE and support around me and I am honored that I too am LOVING and supporting myself on this journey. I am honoring my soul and my own inner guidance and this makes me feel empowered rather than disempowered.

So for now I expect the best, I love ‘what is’, and I go forth appreciating every day and every experience and I truly see the gift in life.  Cancer is teaching me many beautiful things. In fact, it just maybe my greatest teacher.

Everyone Is On Their Own Path

I want to also share that everyone is on their own path on the cancer journey and they must make choices that work for them. There is no one size fits all approach to this disease and it is just whatever is right for you or whatever is right for the loved one that you are supporting. My favorite supportive saying is “I want what you want for you”.

I also want to mention that I have amazing support on my chosen path. I have the BEST Palliative Care Doctor in the world, Dr. Kathy Simpson. I love that woman and she supports me beyond measure.

I also have support services coming into my home now and I am blown away by the support that is out there and available. I am very grateful. In fact, I am just waiting for my nurse to come now 🙂

So now I will go and enJOY my day and I hope that you do too!

And if you are also on a journey with cancer I wish you all the best and I hope that you too make choices that are the best for you.

cancer, faith, My Cancer Journey

My Daily Go-To Prayer 🙏

Sweetest Man Ever

I have to say my hubby is the sweetest man ever. He is constantly holding me in the light, helping me to lower my stress and to ease any demands I have upon me.

As most of you know, I am on a journey with cancer, and there are so many things I am doing to support myself and mindset and Faith are two very important ones, so in comes this perfect prayer written by my Spouse, Don Perry, whom I adore.

Thank you God for my family, for my health, for my strength and for my courage. I am now getting stronger and stronger every day”. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. 🙏🙏🙏

Don has advised me to say this many times a day and I do. 🙂

Just thought I would share this with everyone in case you too can benefit from a prayer or affirmation like this.

❤️❤️❤️ With Much Love To All! ❤️❤️❤️

cancer, healing, hope, My Cancer Journey

A Happy Day on My Cancer Journey

So today I had a phone appointment with my ‘special’ doctor and one of my favorite docs at the cancer clinic, Dr. Kathy Simpson, whom I love! We were scheduled to go over my recent blood work analysis and to check in on any symptoms, new developments, and such.

Well it was a HAPPY day. First let me premise this by saying, this is very much a journey and managing cancer is a process… a journey. And along these journeys it is good to have markers and milestones and today was one for me… a good one.

My blood work came back perfect! What I am doing is working! Without going into the details of my diagnosis, this amazing blood work reading is AWESOME and supports me in that what I am doing with my natural healing protocols along with the support of all of you, is working! Your loving kindness, your prayers, your holding me in the light and seeing me in perfect health, it is working!!!!

I cry tears of happiness but these tears are not only for me, they are for everyone who is dealing with serious illness…. it is a sign of HOPE and ENCOURAGMENT.

And I know my journey will continue and we never know what tomorrow brings but for today I will take today’s win and I will show appreciation for it! I will focus on the good and I will continue to have HOPE! YES!!!

Lastly, I want to give a shout out to this amazing doctor, Dr. Simpson, who said this to me after I thanked her again for her support…. She said: “Whatever marathon path you are choosing, I support you fully”. This spoke volumes to me and made me feel very supported. I am so grateful for all of the amazing people on my team including YOU, if you are reading this. Thank you all! Support is a HUGE piece of the puzzle.

It is my Hope to one day share my full story from the side of complete healing and return to perfect balance in my body, mind and spirit so that others know that it can be done and that they can play an important role in their own healing.

I am sending you all so much LOVE!!!!

And thank you for celebrating today’s win with me. 🙂

♥j♥o♥y ḶṏṼḕ ♥j♥o♥y ḶṏṼḕ ♥j♥o♥y ḶṏṼḕ ♥j♥o♥y ḶṏṼḕ ♥j♥o♥y ḶṏṼḕ

cancer, Joy, My Cancer Journey

Just One Letter Makes A Difference

I have been so excited to write this blog post! I could hardly wait in fact!

I have been sharing my new discovery with a few people and they were all WOWED by it so now I want to share it with everyone!

How this came to be is that one day I was thinking about my ‘full-time’ job of protocols that I am doing daily for my healing journey with my diagnosis of colon cancer. I thought to myself this is like a JOB. And then it hit me!…………..

I can’t think of this like a job and in that instant I had the vision of these two words: JOB and JOY!

And in that moment I knew that the only difference between the two was ONE LETTER!

It does not matter whether we are referring to a job, working at something, a project, a hobby, a healing protocol, or doing our taxes, it applies to all of it. We have to CHOOSE!

We have to CHOOSE! JOB or JOY?

One letter changes everything.

Not that there is anything wrong with the word job or in having a job, it is just that we often look at ‘jobs’ as work and something that is hard or tedious and that really puts the brakes on in our energetic field. And things just don’t flow like they should!

We must always have JOY in what we do and if we just can’t muster up the JOY to do our taxes because we see it like a JOB like I do lol, that is when we get someone else to do the things we don’t enJOY and we focus on the ones that we do enJOY. Personally I LOVE paying people for products and services that I need. It makes me HAPPY to do so. And if it is not in the budget to get people to do those ‘jobs’ that you don’t want to do, barter! Bartering is a great way to help others and yourself too! We can share our gifts and JOYs that way too!

But no matter what it is, when you shift from JOB to JOY the whole game changes. As for my healing protocol, I not only changed from JOB to JOY, I took it to the next level and turned it into EXCITEMENT! I am excited about my healing journey. I am embracing it and that makes is sooo much easier!

This shifting of one little letter was very refreshing for me to discover and I hope that you find this helpful too! 🙂

♥j♥o♥y ḶṏṼḕ ♥j♥o♥y ḶṏṼḕ ♥j♥o♥y ḶṏṼḕ ♥j♥o♥y ḶṏṼḕ ♥j♥o♥y ḶṏṼḕ

cancer, Death & Dying, Happiness, happy, My Cancer Journey

On Happiness & The Regrets of The Dying & How I Have Learned To Choose Happy in Spite of It All…

Choosing thoughts has been something I have been teaching and practicing for many years. And now at this point in my life (my cancer journey), it has come into play even more so for me. If I don’t CHOOSE happy thoughts, I suffer A LOT! And I don’t like suffering!

One of my favorite books of all time and one that I refer to a lot is Bronnie Ware’s “The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying”.

There are 5 top regrets people have at the end of their life in general and the number 5 regret she learned from people dying is “I wish I had chosen to be happy”! Wow! I think that is my favorite of the 5. You can read more about all five here:

Not Easy But Gets Easier!

Now, I am not going to tell you that this is easy to do, but I can promise you that the more you do it, the easier it gets. This is probably why I am finding it quite easy in a situation that many people would find it very challenging in and rightly so! I have been ‘practicing’ this for awhile so it is easier for me because of that, but one can start at any time which is the good news!

NOW is all we have..

Choosing Happy means we let go of as much stuff as we can in our mental mind. An old memory? Tell yourself that it is the past and no longer exists but only in your mind and let it go. You need space for HAPPINESS NOW! NOW is all we have. Don’t let the old crap take up space and take away from now. Remember life is short….

Someone says something to you that you feel is hurtful or offensive? CHOOSE not to personalize it and let it go as fast as you can and move on. The faster we can do this, the more content we are. The longer we hang on to it and dwell on it, the more it grows and the more pain we feel.

Get Inspired to CHOOSE HAPPY!

I hope that you get inspired to ‘choose happy’ today and as much as you can. I know that for me, it is GAME ON! I want to squeeze as much JOY as I can out of my time left here on earth… and I hope that you do too!

Have a great day everyone!