cancer, My Cancer Journey

I Refuse To Play Cancer Roulette

I refuse to play what I have coined ‘Cancer Roulette’.

What do I mean by this? I mean that I will not live my life in days of terror or angst always wondering things like should I have done this, or that, tried this, tried that, or things like what if I would have added in that protocol or tried this or went here or to that clinic and on and on it goes.

The Back Story

In March of this year 2021, I was diagnosed with Stage IV Colon Cancer. Stage IV because I had a cancerous mass in my colon and cancer had already spread to other parts of my body, thus Stage IV Incurable as they call it. I had surgery to remove the mass in April because it was blocking my colon and life-threatening.  The surgery went very well and I was glad to get it out.

I decided against chemo or radiation as therapies as I was told my cancer was incurable, the chemo would eventually stop working, and may only help me to extend my life a short amount of time, and that there was a long list of side effects, including serious infection.

My Choices

In fact, my choices were palliative/supportive care alone or supportive care plus palliative chemotherapy.  “The intent of palliative chemotherapy is to slow the progression of my cancer, help improve symptoms and quality of life overall, and prolong survival.

The chemo would be continued until disease progression or intolerable toxicity…. Oh Joy!

Side Effects As Per My Oncologist:

“I discussed with the patient the potential toxicities of the treatment including nausea, vomiting, fatigue, alopecia, myelosuppression, febrile neutropenia, oral mucositis, diarrhea, skin changes, rare chest pain, rare neurologic toxicity, bleeding, perforation, proteinuria, rash, and hypomagnesemia.” – more Oh Joy 😦


After weighing in on both the intent of palliative chemo as above and the expected result of “improving symptoms and quality of life overall, and prolonged survival”, there was no question for me that I would prefer to attempt the same result using therapies and protocols that actually enhance and support my body rather than tearing it down. And I have done this. I have had a great quality of life since March until now and will continue to support my body and soul on this journey.

Where I Have Come To

Since March I have researched deep into the world of cancer and have met many amazing souls also traveling on this journey that no one would pick for themselves. Throughout it all, I have seen many as I call them ‘plot twists’, meaning what works for one may not work for another. There are millions of people all throwing what they can against this disease and trying to figure out what works, what doesn’t, this kind of cancer, that kind, etc. etc. It is a rabbit hole that never ends, let’s just put it that way. 🙂

As for me, I want to live my days in as much JOY as I can. I will no longer play this game of ‘what if’… what if I had done this or what if I had tried that. I do the best I can each and every day and the most important thing for ME is to be comfortable and to be at peace with everything that is happening. I have gotten comfortable with ‘What Is’. Are some days much harder than others? Absolutely, but I plug away one day at a time, enJOYing all the LOVE and support around me and I am honored that I too am LOVING and supporting myself on this journey. I am honoring my soul and my own inner guidance and this makes me feel empowered rather than disempowered.

So for now I expect the best, I love ‘what is’, and I go forth appreciating every day and every experience and I truly see the gift in life.  Cancer is teaching me many beautiful things. In fact, it just maybe my greatest teacher.

Everyone Is On Their Own Path

I want to also share that everyone is on their own path on the cancer journey and they must make choices that work for them. There is no one size fits all approach to this disease and it is just whatever is right for you or whatever is right for the loved one that you are supporting. My favorite supportive saying is “I want what you want for you”.

I also want to mention that I have amazing support on my chosen path. I have the BEST Palliative Care Doctor in the world, Dr. Kathy Simpson. I love that woman and she supports me beyond measure.

I also have support services coming into my home now and I am blown away by the support that is out there and available. I am very grateful. In fact, I am just waiting for my nurse to come now 🙂

So now I will go and enJOY my day and I hope that you do too!

And if you are also on a journey with cancer I wish you all the best and I hope that you too make choices that are the best for you.

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♥j♥o♥y ḶṏṼḕ ♥j♥o♥y ḶṏṼḕ ♥j♥o♥y ḶṏṼḕ ♥j♥o♥y ḶṏṼḕ ♥j♥o♥y ḶṏṼḕ

4 thoughts on “I Refuse To Play Cancer Roulette”

  1. You are absolutely a rock star in this journey and doing it all by your own rules. Love you so much, my friend.

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